JosephCanHelp

Are we putting to much pressure on our kids?

This past weekend was one of joy for my family,but also of sadness.During the week I was
informed that a past colleague of mine has lost a son due to drinking poison. I dont know what
the reasons was and can once again only pass on my condolences to the family.

The sad part of the weekend was because my daughter’s boyfriend has lost his father and he was
buried on Saterday morning. My daughter’s matric ball was the Saterday evening and inspite of the
his own mourning and grief, Myron,her boyfriend accompanied her to the matric ball.

In my family he is a hero for keeping his promise that he would accompany her to one
of the highlights of her life and something she will remember for the rest of her life,
inspite of his personal loss.

This brings me to the thought of how much pressure our youngsters must endure these days.

My daughter,Jodee, had to undergo all the excitement and pressure of dress fittings,buying of shoes,
(this is apparently the most important thing because if the shoes is not right than nothing
is right on the night),earings,etc, while at the same time studying and doing homework, preparing for a
Xhosa oral test from the Educational department,a sporting contest with another school, performing her
prefect duties, washing the windows with her mom,doing 2 driving lessons and supporting Myron
at the prayer meeting at his house,and supporting him in general after school during this trying time.

All of this in the space of one week.

Add to that the funeral on Saterday, the nervousness of dressing,taking photo’s with the family at home,
then getting to the matric ball on time, with a father that is more nervous than when he got
married 22 years ago trying to dictate things and hurring them on and trying to arrange things at the school
to see that things go smoothly before she arrives and contantly phoning to find out where they are and how
long still before they get to the school?

I tell you it is difficult to be a normal child today with all these pressures.

So are we putting too much pressure on our children to perform and be the best?

I mean could all the pressure and hurriedness,coupled with the loss of Myron’s dad
not have proven to be too much for the two off them and played hovoc with their young
minds?

Is this not some of the things that drive our kids to drugs,drinking,bad and agressive behaviour,etc?
How can we as parents manage this so that it does not become a problem?

Is this kind of pressure the reason my previous colleagues son drank poison and tragically died? I really dont know.
Is it possible that we are pushing our children too much. I know I expect a lot from my children and although
Patty and I encourage them and support them in love, are we not pushing them to hard? Are you not pushing
your kids to hard?

I wrote letters to my kids earlier this year
( see http://www.josephcanhelp.co.za/blog/principals-of-decision-making/)regarding this subject and how they should go about making decisions and I believe that if they use the principals,it will stand them in good stead.

I believe that our kids,Jodee and Matthew, are well balanced because of the guidance Patty and I received from our
grandparents and our parents and because of the guidance we provide for for our kids. These guidance and principals are
biblical as we are born again children of GOD and we can only trust in HIM to help us to protect and
nurture our children.

I believe that on any given day our children can fall prey to the clutches of this world,
and it is therefore imperative that we examine ourselves as parents and not put undue pressure
on our kids to perform, but to gently and lovingly guide them and to always but always keep GOD before
us and ask him to protect, provide and guide our children because they are not always in our care and the
influences of the world are strong. But if GOD is for us, who can prevail against us? No ONE. So therefore
always trust in GOD as HE knows best for us and our children and HE is NEVER WRONG.

(Incedently, that last sentance is one of the last words of advise that Alex Hicks, Myron’s father gave me
the last evening I saw him. I was in his company only 4 times, but he made a great impression on me and Patricia,
and we salute a man of integrity, character, a man with his own independant opinion and perception on life,
and believe that his legacy will live foth through his wife and children.)

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